Pee like a Girl

*If you don't like reading about normal bodily functions (peeing) skip this post.

One obvious disadvantage that females face in the outdoors is that we can't pee standing up.  Men simply have to lower their zipper and they can wee almost anywhere, while we ladies have to delayer, disrobe, and get creative when nature calls.  There are a couple of products on the market that aim to give women the ability to pee standing up, which would solve a lot of backcountry pee issues.  My best friend, Chelsea was nice enough to purchase us both a GoGirl while we were living for a year in Silas the Sprinter.  We imagined ourselves using them frequently, but never ended up taking them out of the package.  This past summer I vowed to practice diligently so I could be a proficient standing pee-er by Fall, at which time I would be embarking on an extended river trip.  I listened as my friend Brooke described taking off her drysuit every time she had to pee on a three week Grand Canyon trip and was more determined than ever to avoid that situation.  Summer came and went and I still hadn't busted out my GoGirl for a trial run.  Nonetheless, I hit the river in the fall and tossed the package into my ammo can on the boat.  We weren't putting in many miles per day, so I managed to get by for a few days without needing to pee while on the raft.  One day I was finally well hydrated and the urge to go hit me.  It was just Brian and I on our raft and I decided to give the GoGirl a whirl.  I felt super confident that I would be able to use it successfully.  Here's how it went:

I clambered to the back of the boat and instructed Brian to keep his eyes forward.  I kneeled on the tube for stability, there was no way I was going to try to stand and pee on a moving boat.  I lowered my shorts a bit and got situated.  I connected the extender tube onto the end of the GoGirl.  This allows you to project your pee further away and hopefully avoid peeing on yourself.  I promptly dropped the tube into the water.  "Back paddle!" I shouted at Brian.  He backed the boat up and I retrieved the extender.  I got set up again.  By this point I had to pee really badly.  I started peeing and quickly realized that I was peeing faster than my GoGirl could drain.  Pee started over-flowing and dripping onto my lowered shorts.  I started laughing hysterically, which only made me pee harder, which just compounded the problem.  I continued laughing and peeing all over myself and when I was done, I jumped into the river.

So let this be a lesson to you all-  Practice with your gear before heading out to use it for the first time.  Men, don't take your gift for granted.  Ladies, keeping getting creative out there.